The Department Of Lawlessness
Be Prepared To Stop. What moron wrote that sign? Surely no idiot who ever sat behind a steering wheel thought, “That’s it. I’m never going to stop again!” The whole premise of operating any machine is knowing when, where and how to stop. The biggest pedal among your controls: it’s for the BRAKES! But then there are many flavours of God’s children whom I have not yet met.
There is probably a law on the books about not being prepared to stop. In fact, somewhere beneath the seventh basement floor of our government buildings is The Department Of Laws Not Yet Written. So, somewhere there is a Minister of Lawlessness. It is right down the hall next to the Ministry Of Stupidity. Then there’s the department of NAFTA. Not A F…ing Thing’s Allowed.
As you roll down your driver’s window the police officer says, “I could see you were not prepared to stop.”
“Hell no. Thought I’d keep on going until my wheels fell off.”
“Thet game yer tryin’ to play, is that PICKLEBALL?” “Uhuh! It’s illegal!”
“Smiling permitted only if wearing a facemask. If we can see your teeth, you’re dangerous!”
Slow children playing. Caution. Be careful for whom? Me or them. If they’re slow, why’d you let them go out on the road? Do they have weapons? Other signs leave me scratching certain body parts. How about: For sale by owner? So who the hell else can sell it? Oh you’ve got an agent to peddle it for you! Did you know that?
In Mexico there is a sign which drives me mad. TOPĔ. It means that somewhere ahead there might be a monster speed bump. Up to two metres long, they call also be up to twenty centimetres high. Jamn on your brakes, those puppies can rip the guts right out of your vehicle. You can see how the tops are ground down from the impact of hurtling masses. They could be called Grindems. Buses and commercial trucks seem to take on topěs with full gusto, there is a way of hitting hard-enough that apparently works. Don’t look back.
Topĕs may be at the sign, or anywhere beyond or nowhere at all. Clearly, it’s the sign that makes drivers frantically slow down. Job done. The worst of those bastards are somewhere down the road where you’ve forgotten about the bloody sign. WHAM! Often there’s an angry Mexican driver behind you blaring their horn because you’re messing with their rhythm as you stand on your brakes too late. It must be one reason so many down there can’t seem to drive without screaming radios. Drown it all out! Bachĕs (potholes) are more frequent but come with no signs. Vibradorěs are a series of small topěs designed to make it sound as if all the tires on your vehicle have been shredded. Sometimes there are signs for them. There are also Militarĕs which may come with a variety of signs. There is no doubt when you’ve found one. Often there is a length of 6′ ship’s hawser snaked back and forth across the pavement. There is also a gaggle of young men in military costumes with machine guns and at least one wide-eyed fellow sitting in the back of a truck pointing a .50 cal mini-cannon between your eyes. You WILL slow down!
Lawlessness? Don’t ask questions. Gringo-think does not work here.
Funny how a comment on silly signs leads directly to Mexico. I love that place and the obvious contempt for law and order. There are times when it is nice to believe that everyone is playing with the same rule book. Other traffic signs which bemuse me are thos warning of a “Dead End” or “No Exit.” Go down there, you’ll never be seen again. Really!? It seems in this cold real world there is a law and a sign against everything. Use a little humour folks, tell us what’s allowed, perhaps even approved of.
Perhaps the most memorable sign I can recall was in, yep, Mexico. It was at a crocodillerio, a place where crocodiles are raised and protected. These salt-water beauties can get up to 16′ in length. There’s no doubt that these are the last of the dinosaurs. I don’t believe they operate with any morals or conscience. Eat! It’s all they know. A hand- painted illustration showed a sad fat lady holding up a dog leash with an empty collar. The polite and graphic message was clear. Peligroso!
Tonight I have my little trailer parked in a commercial camping ground. It is not like meself to pay for this diminutive priviledge. The notion is to spend a couple of nights here using all systems and debugging any imperfections before heading into the back of beyond. So far, so good. I understand that when people pay for the priviledge of parking here, they expect serenity. So there is a long list of rules which come with the map to your parking slot. It’s simple. No nuthin’. Have fun. God help dog owners. More rules. Arf! Tires constantly crunch back and forth on the on the gravel paths, all day all night. An interesting observation is that many of these psuedo homes have Cadillacs parked in front. There’s a statement.
They haven’t seen a sighn yet that impresses them, well maybe they’ve peed on a few.
It is just not for me to have an Rv so that you can park neatly parallel 4 meters from your neighbours. I enjoy being where no-one else is. Here folks have subtle ways of telling you that they were here first. As if I give a toss. Clearly, living in a frail trailer has become a culture of people who cannot, or are afraid to, live in a more permanent home. Aside from the mantle of rules there other inconveniences. For example, living in an Rv park ten kilometres from town on a divided highway with the nearest turnaround to go back toward town yet another ten kilometres down the road. So, that forgotten box of fruit loops requires a minimum fifty km drive. Porridge again! Then there are the tornados! Perhaps a viable new television series could be “Geezer Park Games.” Move over Bubbles. Could these be the same people, who fifty years ago, were called hippies? Peace man!
“Any fool can make a rule And any fool will mind it.”
― Henry David Thoreau
